By Annie Lim
I was hitting rock bottom, especially on Tuesday, 13 February 2024. Struggling with macular degeneration – vision issues which resulted in tension headache and nausea – coupled with documents to be completed urgently, I ended my day in a rather quiet manner. No desire to speak to God, no desire to eat and no desire to go on … my whole being giving up on trusting that God cares.
Strangely, the next day, I woke up with this song:
You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I’d be a fool
You are my all in all
Chorus
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all
The line, “Lord, to give up I’d be a fool” kept playing in my mind. Yes, I was disappointed that the Lord didn’t heal my eyes. Yes, I was losing my independence in driving/moving around. Yes, I was uptight about being a burden/nuisance to others. Yes, I was seeing and not seeing at the same time. Yes, I was useless and weak!
“I heard you, Lord! I am the biggest fool if I were to give up now. You, my Lord, have not given up on me, for you still take care of me, providing help, support, comfort whenever I need them.”
On Thursday morning, I went for my eye appointment. I had to have another injection, this time to my left eye. The pricking pain lasted for one and a half days. I was reminded again, “Lord, to give up I’d be a fool”, thus I endured the suffering, with God comforting me. By Friday afternoon I was determined to attend the CG meeting. I was happy to see so many brothers and sisters in Christ at the meeting although all of their faces were blurry to me.
During the time when i was down, I was reminded of a Mandarin song ‘有 一 天’.
有 一 天, 你 若 觉 得 失 去 勇 气
If ever there comes a day, when you feel like you have lost all courage
有 一 天，你 若 真 的 想 放 弃
If ever there comes a day, when you feel like giving up
有 一 天，你 若 感 觉 没 人 爱 你
If ever there comes a day, when you feel like no one loves you
有 一 天，好 像 走 到 谷 底
If ever there comes a day, when you feel like you have reached rock bottom
那 一 天，你 要 振 作 你 的 心 情
On that day, you should lift up your spirits
那 一 天，你 要 珍 惜 你 自 己
On that day, you should cherish yourself
那 一 天，不 要 忘 记 有 人 爱 你
On that day, do not forget that there are those who love you
那 一 天，不 要 轻 易 说 放 弃
On that day, do not speak of giving up
这 个 世 界 真 有 一 位 上 帝
There is truly a God in this world
祂 爱 你 祂 愿 意 帮 助 你
He loves you and He wants to help you
茫 茫 人 海 虽 然 寂 寞
Even though you may feel lonely amidst the crowds of people
祂 爱 能 温 暖 一 切 冷 漠
His love can bring warmth to all your struggles
这 个 世 界 真 有 一 位 上 帝
There is truly a God in this world
祂 的 双 手 渴 望 紧 紧 拥 抱 你，
He wants to hold you closely in His arms,
漫 漫 长 夜 陪 你 走 过
To be by your side as you walk through the long night
祂 爱 你 伴 你 一 生 之 久
He loves you, and will be with you all the days of your life.
I never ever imagined having to go through a ‘rock bottom’ time (far worse than being an OKU), where I am no longer independent and have to learn to ask for help, I have to graciously accept help, I have to learn to be humble and patient.
The week of 19 February was difficult, as I was constantly telling God, “I wish I were dead.” I even told my husband, “I really wish I were dead, so that I’m not a bloody nuisance to you.”
My gracious Heavenly Father knew the spiritual attacks and struggles I was going through, and He ministered to me through worship songs. On Sunday, 25 February, I was tearing up during the worship service, as I was reminded of God’s love, grace, mercy, comfort and peace. During the sermon, the song which came to me was ‘Thank you, Lord’.
And I thank You, Lord
For the trials that come my way
In that way I can grow each day
As I let You lead
And I thank You, Lord
For the patience those trials bring
In that process of growing
I can learn to care
Chorus
But it goes against the way I am
To put my human nature down
And let the Spirit take control of all I do
‘Cause when those trials come
My human nature shouts the things to do
And God’s soft prompting can be easily ignored
And I thank You, Lord
With each trial I feel inside
That You’re there to help lead and guide
Me away from wrong
‘Cause you promised, Lord
That with every testing
That your way of escaping
Is easier to bear
Chorus
And I thank You, Lord
For the victory that growing brings
In surrender of everything
Life is so worthwhile
And I thank You, Lord
That when everything’s put in place
Out in front I can see Your face
And it’s there You belong
Chorus
So, give me strength to do Thy Holy Will, my Lord
My LORD!
A reminder of what my human nature can do to drown out God’s voice when I kept saying ”I wish I were dead!”
On 27 February, the Lord spoke to me during my quiet time with Him.
(i) 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 hit me hard! vs 9: My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. vs 10: For when I am weak, then I am strong.
(ii) This was followed by Luke 18:41-42. Only Jesus heard the cry of the blind man. I believe Jesus will stop for me too!
(iii) 2 Corinthians 1:3-4: Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. The song that followed:
Chorus
Use me, Jesus, use me
Take this life of mine and use me
Use me, Jesus, use me
Keep me by Your side and use me
All I want is to be with You
To ever praise You in all I do
Teach me, Father, to learn Your ways
And walk with me each day
Chorus
Mould me, make me what You would have me be
I only want to serve You faithfully
Help me Father to truly see
What You have for me
Chorus
I thank God for being with me even when I did not acknowledge Him. He helped me survive the spiritual attacks these couple of weeks. May the Lord continue to use me to encourage and comfort others, for His honour and glory! 🙏🤲
Get Involved
💻 Read Annie’s previous entry.
💻 Listen to the worship and sermon on 25 March 2024, titled “Peace with God”.